Wednesday, June 3, 2009

WHO SAID IT #7

Why, of course, people don’t want war. Why would some poor slob on a farm want to risk his life in a war when the best that he can get out of it is to come back to his farm in one piece? Naturally, the common people don’t want war… That is understood. But it is the leaders of the country who determine policy and it is always a simple matter to drag the people along… The people can always be brought to the bidding of the leaders. That is easy. All you have to do is tell them they are being attacked and denounce the pacifists for lack of patriotism and exposing the country to danger. It works the same way in any country.

A. George Bush (either)
B. Susan Boyle
C. Abbie Hoffman
D. Herman Goering

yep

WHY, ONE COULD HAVE AN AFTER LUNCH ASSIGNATION IN DC AND BE BACK IN THE BIG APPLE BY COCKTAIL HOUR, FOR INSTANCE

Second, why not take an amount equal to the AIG bailout (more than $180 billion) and invest in a product that would be truly worthwhile: high-speed rail along our major economic corridors? If we transform the L.A.-San Francisco corridor with high-speed rail, and D.C.-Boston similarly, the savings and technological advances would be enormous.

Eliot Spitzer in Slate

TROUBLEMAKER DEALT WITH

WASHINGTON — More than a year before Colgan Air crashed a twin-engine turboprop on approach to Buffalo, Christopher J. Monteleon told his superiors at the Federal Aviation Administration that the airline was going to have trouble flying that model. ...

Three times, he said, the pilots flew the airplane faster than the manufacturer’s specifications allowed, but they initially refused to report this and have the plane inspected for damage. They flew with a broken radio and did not want to write that up in the maintenance log, as the rules require, he said, because it might delay the next test flight. And they tried three approaches to the airport in Charleston, W. Va., and “botched” all of them, failing to get the plane at an appropriate altitude, on the right path and at the right speed for landing.

...

But when he reported problems to his F.A.A. superiors, he was suspended from important portions of his job overseeing Colgan’s acquisition of the Dash 8 and given a desk job, he said.

nyt

LEBRON JAMES - SPORTSMAN OF THE YEAR

On why he didn't congratulate the Magic after Game 6, James said Sunday, "It's hard for me to congratulate somebody after you just lose to them. I'm a winner. It's not being a poor sport or anything like that. If somebody beats you up, you're not going to congratulate them. That doesn't make sense to me. I'm a competitor. That's what I do. It doesn't make sense for me to go over and shake somebody's hand."

blah blah

Thursday, May 14, 2009

STOP THE PRESSES!

Beach Boys Didn’t Have a Deuce Coupe or a 409

Brian Wilson of the Beach Boys recently performed at the Petersen Automotive Museum in Los Angeles for its 15th annual gala. The theme for the evening was “California Dreaming.”

“We’re going to do a series of car songs because this place has a lot of cars,” Mr. Wilson announced, before singing some of the group’s classics: “Little Deuce Coupe,” “409,” “All Summer Long” and “Shut Down.”

Few groups were as prolific in shoving cars into their lyrics as the Beach Boys, except for maybe Jan and Dean (”Drag City”).

But before the gig, Mr. Wilson told AutoWeek that neither he nor his brothers were interested in drag racing.

“No, we never did, never went to the races,” Mr. Wilson said.

He added that there was no particular 409 or little deuce coupe. “I didn’t know much about cars, anyway,” he said.

nyt

How can this be? Next they'll tell us that Brian didn't surf either.

HOWEVER, THEY WILL RETAIN THE RAPE, ROB AND MURDER SECTION

Under Pressure, Craigslist to Remove ‘Erotic’ Ads

Craigslist, the Web’s largest classified advertising site, said on Wednesday that it would close its erotic services category, which critics have said is a forum that fosters prostitution and other illegal activities.

nyt

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

SO, THAT'S SETTLED

When Roger Clemens appeared on ESPN Radio Tuesday to make his first public statements since his ill-fated congressional appearance 15 months ago, he was preceded by Gene Grabowski, his third public relations expert since he was identified as a steroid user in the Mitchell Report.

Grabowski, a senior vice president of Levick Strategic Communications, a Washington firm that specializes in crisis management, said during an interview on ESPN's “Mike and Mike in the Morning” that he knew Clemens was not lying when he told him he never used steroids because he “looked him in the eye.”

nydn

SURPRISE! SURPRISE!

May 13 (Bloomberg) -- Retail sales in the U.S. unexpectedly dropped in April for a second month, indicating that rising unemployment is prompting consumers to boost their savings.

The 0.4 percent decrease followed a revised 1.3 percent drop in March that was larger than previously estimated, the Commerce Department said today in Washington. Excluding auto dealers, sales fell 0.5 percent.

here

SYSTEMAX - BOLD LEADER IN BANKRUPT BRAND NAMES

Bankrupt Circuit City's brand, trademarks and e-commerce business have been sold at auction to Systemax Inc., the same company that purchased electronics retailer CompUSA's intellectual property when it closed in 2008.

...

Systemax has previously said it believes the transaction would ''further extend its position as a leader in online retailing of value-priced, branded consumer electronics.''

comedy central

SEE HOW THE CORPORATIONS LOOK OUT FOR US

Frito-Lay is one of several big companies that, along with some large-scale farming concerns, are embracing a broad interpretation of what eating locally means. This mission creep has the original locavores choking on their yerba mate. But food executives who measure marketing budgets in the millions say they are mining the concept because consumers care more than ever about where their food comes from.

“Local for us has two appeals,” said Aurora Gonzalez, director of public relations for Frito-Lay North America, which is owned by PepsiCo. “We are interested in quality and quickness because we want consumers to get the freshest product possible, but we have a fairly significant sustainability program, and local is part of that. We want to do business more efficiently, but do it in a more environmentally conscious way.”

nyt

WHO SAID IT #6

For most of my life, I considered golf a pointless diversion for foolish, middle-aged men with no other outlet for amusement.

A. Dick Cheney
B. Rosie O'Donnell
C. Tiger Woods
D. A foolish, middle-aged man

answer here

ART WORLD SHOCKER

A year ago, Sotheby’s sold a 1976 triptych by Francis Bacon for $86.3 million. On Tuesday night, Sotheby’s entire contemporary art auction brought in $47 million, just more than half of what the Bacon piece had fetched.

...

An untitled sculpture by Robert Gober of a man’s rear end with musical notes on it became one of the evening’s biggest casualties. It wasn’t the only work to go unsold; others included mediocre examples by Frank Stella, and Richard Serra.

nyt

Saturday, May 9, 2009

I'M SO HUNGRY I COULD EAT A CANE RAT

Seizure of bushmeat from luggage is surprisingly common

The screen of a Newark Liberty International Airport X-ray machine displayed red glowing images, tell-tale signs of a curious but surprisingly common luggage item. Bushmeat.

Nineteen pounds of organic material, the meat of antelope and cane rat, were seized in late April along with various fruits and dairy products packed in three suitcases belonging to a U.S. citizen traveling from Uganda. He was bound for Philadelphia but found himself delayed.

It was the sixth seizure of bushmeat since October, said Liakakos, totaling over 41 pounds. Last year, similar seizures weighed in at 88 pounds, he said.

Previous interceptions of bushmeat in passenger luggage have included a small monkey head, but the most frequently seized items are small bats, said Elmer Camacho, spokesman for the Customs and Border Protection service.

here

HOLD THE PICKLE, HOLD THE LETTUCE

Mia Farrow forced to quit fast

Actress Mia Farrow, on orders from her doctor, abandoned her fast for Darfur after 12 days.

The 64-year-old, 110-pound actress said Friday the threat of seizures forced her to end the planned three-week, water-only diet to protest the ongoing genocide in the African nation.

nydn

OR MAYBE NOT (SEE POST BELOW)

The accused teen killer of WABC newsman George Weber had answered a craigslist ad placed by the victim seeking a sadomasochistic partner to smother him, according to police documents unsealed Friday.

John Katehis told NYPD homicide detectives after his arrest that he was neither bisexual nor gay, but was merely seeking to score a quick $60 he had negotiated from Weber for the kinky act.

Katehis, 16, pleaded not guilty at his arraignment Friday on murder charges, where his lawyer Jeffrey Schwartz argued the teen was defending himself from a sexual attack by Weber who called himself "smotherboy" and was wielding a knife.

nydn

ALL IS WELL

Craigslist founder Craig Newmark isn't closing site's 'erotic' section

PROVIDENCE, R.I. — The founder of Craigslist does not plan to close the "erotic services" section of the Web site despite criticism that has intensified after a medical student was accused of killing a Boston masseuse who advertised there.

Craig Newmark contends his site already allows users to flag inappropriate material they believe should be removed.

nydn

PETERSON EDITION

Scott Peterson Blog
Convicted murderer and death row inmate Scott Peterson has a personal blog

aargh

Drew Peterson

Drew Peterson was arrested Thursday for allegedly murdering his third wife, Kathleen Savio, whose death had previously been ruled an accident. The former Illinois police officer is accused of beating and drowning Kathleen Savio to death in a bathtub in 2004 based on new evidence collected from the exhumation and autopsy of Savio’s body. Peterson made headlines in 2007 when his fourth wife, 23-year-old Stacy Peterson, disappeared in October 2007. At the time, Savio’s family voiced suspicions that Peterson killed Savio and filed a lawsuit seeking more than $100,000.

here

Judge Removes Peterson Farms From Litter Case

A judge dismissed Peterson Farms from a lawsuit alleging chicken litter caused a Prairie Grove man's cancer.

Smith ruled there's not sufficient evidence any of the four defendant companies acted with intent to cause harm, or with reckless disregard, so Michael "Blu" Green and his parents cannot seek punitive damages from Tyson Foods, Simmons and George's.

chickensh*t

Norm Peterson

Can I draw you a beer, Norm?"
"No, I know what they look like. Just pour me one."

Norm!

Friday, May 8, 2009

DON'T P..S ON MY CAR AND TELL ME IT'S RAINING

Police said two men suffered injuries after they were beaten after urinating on what they thought was an unoccupied vehicle on Friday morning. Police said the owner got out of the car and assaulted the two men with a golf club. One of the men suffered a possible arm fracture and was transported to Pullman Regional Hospital.

nyt

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

BITE THIS, BLOVIATING BULLY BOY

Mr. Weiss, 33, operations manager for a software company, is the founder and de facto leader of the Burger of the Month Club, or BOTM (which he and his friends pronounce “bottom”). One Monday a month for the last four years, they have sampled a burger — bacon-cheddar whenever available — at a different New York restaurant.

Vegetables are to be eaten by rabbits and liberals,” wrote Mr. Weiss, a lawyer who lives on the Upper West Side, [another burger-eating Weiss, not the founding carnivore]“and the only form they should take is the fourth ingredient in a condiment.”

nyt

PETER PRINCIPLED

Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger, whose mere name once stirred calls for lifting the constitutional ban on foreign-born presidents, is facing the most difficult period of his political career.

His approval rating is in the 30s, his state is broke and the policy celebrations of the past have been replaced with scenes like one recently in Los Angeles in which Mr. Schwarzenegger stood on a sweltering patio at a senior housing center trying to persuade a small group of voters to back a slate of budget-related ballot measures needed to keep California solvent.

...

If any of this pains Mr. Schwarzenegger or makes him fret about the future, he has not indicated it. But he seems cured of his desire to be in public office.

nyt

JUST ANOTHER REPUBLICAN HYPOCRITE

Bristol Palin, the daughter of Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin, is hitting the road as a teen ambassador for a group that aims to prevent teen pregnancy - and first stop is in New York Wednesday.

Abstinence is "realistic," she said on "Good Morning America" in her first live interview,

nydn

Because no matter what the age or circumstance, Republicans do whatever they please, then run around trying to stop other people from doing it.

BEATS WORKING FOR A LIVING

“There’s always some kind of identification in a successful show,” said Jane Feuer, a television critic and a professor of English at the University of Pittsburgh. “You’re not going to watch a show just to feel scorn toward the character, so on the other side of it is their likability.”

nyt

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

MEMO TO MYSELF

Either get off Facebook, or get some new friends.

ALLITERATION

Dom DeLuise Dies

The celebrity-tracking website TMZ is reporting that Dom DeLuise -- who starred in such classics as "The Cannonball Run" and "Blazing Saddles" -- died last night.

AT LEAST HER TROUBLES HAVEN'T AFFECTED HER DRY WIT

Joba Chamberlain's mom arrested in Nebraska for selling meth to officer

The estranged mother of Yankees star pitcher Joba Chamberlain has been busted for allegedly dealing drugs, authorities said.

Standley admitted her struggles with alcohol and drug abuse greatly damaged her relationship with her son. She told the Lincoln Journal Star that she saw less and less of her son as she started heavily using pot and meth. "No, I wasn't the greatest mother," she said.

nydn

DON'T PEOPLE HAVE ANYTHING BETTER TO DO?

(I mean the killing part, not the spreading rumors part.)

A 28-year-old Brooklyn man is expected to be arraigned Tuesday afternoon in the strangulation of a Staten Island woman he believed was spreading rumors about him on MySpace, law enforcement sources said.

Calvin Lawson, who was busted Monday, confronted Caroline Wimmer at her West Brighton apartment on March 30. He accused her of bad-mouthing him, possibly on social networking sites like Facebook and MySpace, the sources said. He claimed Wimmer was spreading rumors that he was cheating on his girlfriend.

Police said they fought and then Lawson snapped, wrapping a hair dryer cord around 26-yeaar-old Wimmer's neck. The young woman's mother found her dead a few days later.

nydn

Monday, May 4, 2009

WHY THIS CAN'T BE RIGHT! DIDN'T HIS FIANCE SAY THAT HE WAS INNOCENT?

WARWICK, R.I. (AP) — A medical student accused in Boston of killing a masseuse he met on Craigslist has been charged in Rhode Island with assaulting a stripper in a hotel.

Rhode Island Attorney General Patrick Lynch announced the arrest warrant Monday for Philip Markoff on assault and weapons counts.

Authorities previously said the 23-year-old Markoff was the suspect in the April 16 robbery attempt at a Holiday Inn Express in Warwick.

news

AIRLINE FOOD

BANGOR, Maine — A British woman allegedly had an in-flight meal of prescription drugs, wine and liquid soap — before trying to bite the crew of a London-bound jetliner.

Galina Rusanova punched and kicked flight attendants on the Chicago-based United Airlines flight after downing two or three bottles of wine, prescription drugs and liquid soap from the jet's lavatory, prosecutors said.

As the scuffle escalated, Rusanova snapped "like a dog" while trying to bite an attendant, prosecutors said.

The FBI said the Russian-born London resident had gone to Los Angeles to visit a man she met over the Internet and was returning Wednesday when her flight was diverted to Bangor.

here

ROLL OVER DALE EARNHARDT

Many children begin go-karting as early as age 3. Macy, a second grader in Seaford, Va., is starting with Bandolero racing, a series created in 1997 by the sanctioning body INEX (short for inexpensive) for entry-level cars. Drivers need only be 8; they do not have to pass any safety tests or meet any other requirements.

In 2008, more than 550 youngsters in 17 states and Canada raced Bandoleros in three levels: Bandits (ages 8 to 11), Young Guns (12 to 15) and Outlaws (16 and older). Once drivers turn 12 and have 18 months of INEX racing under their belts, they can graduate to the Young Lions division of Legends, which are replicas of cars from the 1930s and ’40s that go as fast as 98 m.p.h. Macy’s father races a Legends car with a 125-horsepower engine in the Pro division.

nyt

Thursday, April 30, 2009

BACK TO THE FUTURE

Recently, Mayor Michael R. Bloomberg announced the arrival of the Ringling touring show ... as an ornament to his redevelopment plans for Coney Island. To revive the neighborhood’s historic amusement and entertainment area, the city is shepherding a plan through the public approval process that would establish a 27-acre entertainment district with 9.4 acres devoted exclusively to arcades, freak shows, roller coasters, Ferris wheels and other rides. There would also be hotels and 4,500 new apartments.

nyt

FIRST OF THE SUMMER BLOCKBUSTERS

The great foreskin debate

To snip or not to snip? That was the question facing new parent Danae Elon, who didn't just wrestle with the controversies of circumcision -- she made a documentary about it.

Was it always your plan to make a movie about circumcision?

I had always wanted to make a film about it. I thought about extreme rituals, things that might be anthropologically interesting and contradictory, but I could never find a story structure that made sense. So I kind of let it go, until one day I was two months pregnant with my first child and Philip came through the door. We used to live in the East Village in a railroad apartment with a bathtub that was in the kitchen. So he comes through the door, and I'm kind of in this pregnant bliss in the bath, and he says to me, "What are we gonna do about the circumcision?" with a really solemn face -- knowing what I was gonna say to him. So at that moment, it clicked. That's the film!

salon

SOMETHING TO LOOK FORWARD TO

Hans Holzer, whose investigations into the paranormal took him to haunted houses all over the world, most notably the Long Island house that inspired “The Amityville Horror,” died on Sunday at his home in Manhattan. He was 89.

Mr. Holzer — who wrote more than 140 books on ghosts, the afterlife, witchcraft, extraterrestrial beings and other phenomena associated with the realm he called “the other side”

Mr. Holzer saw life on the other side in sharp detail..., it is strangely like this side, and bureaucratic to boot. The dead who become restless and wish to return to Earth for another go-round must fall in line and register with a clerk.

nyt

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

PERSONALITY TYPES

THE COLLABORATOR

Scores of colleges and universities across the country are shelving the trays in hopes of conserving water, cutting food waste, softening the ambience and saving money. Some even believe trayless cafeterias could help avoid the dreaded “freshman 15” — the number of pounds supposedly gained in the first year on campus (and on all-you-can-eat meal plans). “I like not having to carry a tray around,” said Peter McInerney, a freshman here at Skidmore College, as he grabbed a midafternoon snack of an egg sandwich, pancakes and apple juice. “It makes it feel like this is less of a machine just spitting food out. It’s still not home, but it feels more homey without the tray.”

THE GUY WHO'S MAKING A BUCK OFF THE "TREND"

The Sustainable Endowments Institute, a research organization that tracks environmental practices at the 300 colleges and universities with the largest endowments, said that 126 of them had curtailed use of trays, some of them banishing trays only from certain dining halls, and some introducing, for example, “trayless Tuesdays.” Such moves are often part of a larger push to embrace environmentalism that includes hiring sustainability coordinators, introducing solar panels, composting dining-hall waste and encouraging students to turn off lights with catchy sayings like “Do It in the Dark.”

"The trend has definitely taken off," said Mark Orlowski, executive director of the institute, which this fall plans to add a question about trayless cafeterias to an annual survey that includes other dining-related topics like vegan entrees, biodegradable containers and community gardens. “It reduces not just waste, but energy and water consumption. Over all, it’s been very successful.”

ANOTHER ONE WITH A VESTED INTEREST, WITH THE ANNOYING TENDENCY TO USE THE SECOND PERSON TO DESCRIBE HER OWN BEHAVIOR, AND WITH A SILLY CLAIM TO BOOT

At the Rochester Institute of Technology, which stopped using trays last summer, the manager of the Grace Watson Dining Hall, one of five on campus, said she had seen a marked drop in food waste, estimating that the school saved 10 percent on food spending despite rising ingredient costs.

“With the trays, you come in and often your eyes are bigger than your stomach,” said the manager, Janet Olivieri, who frequently eats at the dining hall and has lost 10 pounds since the change.

DOPEY, EASILY IMPRESSED STUDENTS

For the most part, when students returned in the fall, they were so dazzled by the transformation of the cafeteria that they hardly noticed the missing trays.

UNNAMED LIARS

Officials said their decision to go trayless was mainly about atmosphere...

THE NOODGE

As part of her senior honors thesis, Sarah Whateley, an environmental studies major, conducted a research project to demonstrate how much food was still wasted in the dining hall. She asked students to scrape their leftovers into plastic bins over two days, yielding 330 pounds of food on a Sunday and 403 pounds on a Monday. The food services staff then illustrated that quantity by stacking the equivalent weight in boxes of rice in the entrance of the dining hall.

“People were really surprised,” she said. “Entire sandwiches were being thrown out, and a whole slice of pizza.”

THE ELITIST SNOB

Dr. Spina, of the college food service association, cited another benefit: “preparation for the cocktail-party circuit” by having to balance dishware and cutlery. “You eventually have to learn how to hold your hors d’oeuvre and cocktail in one hand while making animated conversation with the other,” he said, “so it’s a life lesson.”

I hope they don't mind that I practically reprinted the whole piece of nonsense...

YES, HE NEEDED TO GET BIGGER

Cops who Tasered a suicidal and violent Jayson Williams in a Manhattan hotel found empty bottles of two psychiatric drugs that could have exacerbated his mental illness if taken together, the Daily News has learned.

Two sources said the ex-NBA star had bottles for Celexa, an anti-depressant, and lithium, used for manic-depression - along with the sleeping pill Ambien, human growth hormone and two other drugs.

nydn

CARAMBA!

Rep. Michele Bachmann came up with another doozy during her interview Monday with Pajamas TV.

Here's the quote: "I find it interesting that it was back in the 1970s that the swine flu broke out then under another Democrat president Jimmy Carter. And I'm not blaming this on President Obama, I just think it's an interesting coincidence."

washingtonmonthly

LETS GO! MY TREAT!

Those $2,625 seats that sat empty during the first homestand? Now the Yankees are practically giving them away, for $1,250 each.

nyt

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

WHY DO I READ THIS STUFF?

At Angel's Spa in suburban West Palm Beach, there's no menu for services.

The all-female staff simply tells customers what they'll get for their money.

On Thursday, the menu - and the service - got three of the staffers arrested.

Kayla Lavelle, 22, Marcia Dippolito, 48, and Charlotte Lee McKeehan, 25, were arrested and charged with practicing massage without a license, but investigators said they did more than that.

One of the women, Lavelle, gestured with her hands what an undercover Palm Beach County Sheriff's detective could buy for his money. She also told him that for $200, he could get "anything."

After telling the officer to "get comfortable" and take off his clothes, she left the room. When she returned, she began massaging his privates.

While it promotes itself as a spa on its web site, Angels is affiliated with Angels of Palm Beach which promotes itself as an escort service. Rooms at Angels include a canopy bed, a four-person jacuzzi and a BYOB bar. The spa also has a dungeon.

the local rag

MORE ON MR. CRAIGSLIST

A bowling alley was the biggest draw for teenagers, and Mr. Markoff was avid enough to practice there daily. He was so intent on being a good bowler that, unsatisfied with the grip, he had his bowling ball redrilled.

Everything had to be just so,” said one childhood friend.

AND:

"We were surrounded by such a left-wing student body, and he was more like me: he didn’t really share those sentiments,” said one classmate, Jonathan Zierler, who said he had accompanied Mr. Markoff on the trip. “He was a traditionalist as far as things like men and women’s roles in society. He was a throwback from a more conservative era."

nyt


Lesson learned: Never trust anyone who has their own bowling ball.

A word to the wise: I'd keep an eye on Mr. Zierler.

Questions: Did Mr. Markoff really discuss his views on sex roles in modern society with Mr. Zierler? That must have been enlightening. And, specifically what "more conservative era" is Mr. Zierler referring to?

SWINE FLEW 2

This little piggy went to Mexico
(he ignored the travel advisory)
This little piggy stayed home
(but he got sick anyway as there's no hiding from a pandemic)
This little piggy got Tamiflu
This little piggy got none
(because of unequal access to health care and a lack of insurance)
And this little piggy went "Wee, wee, wee" all the way home
(he was suffering from a panic attack)

TODAY'S CIVICS LESSON

As the evidence mounts, so does Megan McAllister's resolve: She remains committed to Philip Markoff, the man identified by authorities as the "Craigslist Killer."

"To me and my family, he is a loving and caring person and in the eyes of the law and the constitution, he is innocent until proven guilty beyond a reasonable doubt," she said in a statement Monday. "I just can only hope that the criminal justice system will not be overwhelmed and persuaded by what is being put forth in the media."

blah, blah

SWINE FLEW

This little piggy went to Mexico
This little piggy stayed home
This little piggy developed mild flu-like symptoms
This little piggy had none
And this little piggy went "Wee wee wee" all the way home

Monday, April 27, 2009

MUTUALLY EXCLUSIVE?

BOSTON (AP) -- The highest court in Massachusetts has rejected an appeal by an inmate convicted of killing a priest at the center of the Boston clergy sex abuse scandal.

Joseph Druce strangled John Geoghan (GAY'-gan) in his prison cell in August 2003. Geoghan was in prison for fondling a 10-year-old boy, and was accused of sexually abusing more than 100 other children.

The defense argued Druce was mentally ill.

Prosecutors said Druce was a calculating killer who planned the slaying so he could be a "big shot" in prison.

nyt

BEEN THERE, DONE THAT

Are you excited about Sacha Baron Cohen's Brüno but worried its high jinks might not be gay enough? Director Lynn Shelton may have your number — her upcoming comedy Humpday, arriving the very same weekend (July 10), tells the story of two straight friends (played by Joshua Leonard and Mark Duplass) who reunite after years apart, fall back into their old habit of competing in increasingly outrageous dares, and, at the end of a wild night out, challenge themselves to have sex together in a gay porno.

nydn

Sunday, April 26, 2009

CIVICS LESSON

Gun buffs are buying lock, stock and barrel

A presidential portrait adorns the corridor between the gun shop and firing range at the Bullet Hole, a Belleville landmark.

Out front, rifles line the wall, muzzles pointed skyward. Revolvers sit in locked glass cases, some basic black, others fashion pink. Old Glory is everywhere, along with military flags, eagle murals and other patriotic decor.

Robert Sciarrino/The Star-LedgerSteve Elber, from Montclair, fires a 357 Smith & Wesson, while target shooting at the Bullet Hole, a gun shop and indoor range in Belleville. Gun sales have been up since the election, as firearm owners stock up in fear of federal bans on weapons.

Owner Manny Cerca says the country is facing an identity crisis and he's weary of change. That's why President Obama isn't the leader in the picture atop the doorway.

Cerca still looks up to a photo of George W. Bush.

"I'm fed up with the new administration," says Cerca, 64, and especially concerned about his Second Amendment right to own a gun. "Obama is a European socialist."

here

Saturday, April 25, 2009

AN OBSERVATION

Took a ride to the beach today. Noticed that the only people down there this early in the season are mental defectives, gibbering idiots, and those with dogs. I didn't take my dogs.

WHO SAID IT #5

"I am content doing what I do. I want to concentrate doing one thing at a time. Whatever I do, I want to do one hundred fifty percent."

A. Stephen Hawking
B. Lou Reed
C. Slobodan Mlosevic
D. Mary-Kate Olsen

really

Friday, April 24, 2009

WHO SAID IT #4

“I’m gradually beginning to feel that we Chinese need to be controlled. If we are not being controlled, we’ll just do what we want.”

A. P.F. Chang
B. Chan Marshall
C. Charlie Chan
D. Jackie Chan

all the news, all day long

ROBIN WILLIAMS SYNDROME

Late-night funnyman Jay Leno has checked himself into a hospital with a mystery illness - and Thursday night and Friday's "Tonight Show" tapings were canceled.

Leno, 58, wasn't feeling well, NBC spokeswoman Tracy St. Pierre said, but she was quick to shoot down Internet chatter that he had had a heart attack.

"No! My gosh!" St. Pierre said. "He's doing fine... He was kidding around with the hospital staff and running his monologue jokes by the doctors and the nurses. He's expected back to work on Monday.

nydn

Thursday, April 23, 2009

WHO SAID IT #3

"There's an in-built code of right and wrong that's embedded in the human DNA. Hard-wired into us is a dictionary, and the dictionary defines marriage as between one man, one woman for life, please God, leading to the procreation of human life."

A. Watson and Crick
B. Noah Webster
C. Bill Gates
D. Timothy Dolan, Archbishop of New York

here

I HOPE GOVERNOR HORSE'S ASS STATES' RIGHTS REBEL FOOL DOESN'T EXPECT ANY TAINTED FEDERAL MONEY TO HELP RECOVER FROM THE STATE OF EMERGENCY

Wildfires swept through a coastal region of South Carolina on Thursday and headed for North Myrtle Beach, destroying more than 40 homes and forcing more than 2,500 people to evacuate, state officials said.

Gov. Mark Sanford declared a state of emergency in Horry County, which includes the Myrtle Beach area, and officials of North Myrtle Beach were scrambling to get residents to pack up and flee.

nyt

THE MINDSET OF A MEDIOCRE BLOGGER

I landed on CNN last night and stayed there just long enough to process that Larry King was interviewing Levi Johnson. "Who could possibly be interested in that low rent freak show?," I thought to myself as I changed the channel.

Results 1 - 10 of about 262,000 for Levi Johnson & Larry King.

NOT WAVING, BUT DROWNING

To maintain its prestigious image, Abercrombie has stood alone among mall retailers in not blaring its sales — a strategy that Wall Street analysts have blamed for its current decline. The company reported a 34 percent drop in sales for March at stores open at least a year, the worst performance of mall retailers that month.

nyt

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

WHOZIT

"He had no money. He is on the phone, crying to his mom, saying he has got to get home and he is in Cleveland, Ohio. He asked her to put up her credit card for 23 grand. That is just sick, dude."

A. Billy Ray Cyrus
B. John McCain
C. Meatloaf
D. Lenny Dykstra

nailed

WHO SAID IT #2

I have never smoked a cigarette, I have never smoked dope, I have never done cocaine. I would not put anything -- allow anybody to put anything -- in my body that's going to be harmful to me. That's who I am as a person."

A. Lou Reed
B. Eliot Spitzer
C. Billy Ray Cyrus
D. Roger Clemens

turns out he was lying

MAKES PERFECT SENSE

BALTIMORE (AP) -- T. Rowe Price Group's first-quarter profit tumbled by more than two-thirds, and the investment manager is responding by cutting 288 jobs.

The cuts disclosed Wednesday involve about 5.5 percent of the work force at the Baltimore-based manager of mutual funds and other investments. The reductions mostly involve telephone, processing and technology workers, rather than investment professionals.

from our friends

FUNNY, I MUST HAVE MISSED THAT STORY

At a time when New York Times managers are forcing all employees to take a five percent pay cut, and demanding even larger sacrifices from the NYT-owned Boston Globe, top executives of the beleaguered newspaper received substantial bonus and fringe benefit payments over and above their salaries, according to a proxy statement released on March 11.

huffanpuff

THE FIRST CLUE

Clean-cut 'Craigslist Killer' suspect Philip Markoff gave off 'creepy vibe'

A high-achieving dentist's son from upstate New York, Philip Markoff is described in various ways, but everyone, even those who didn't like him, is shocked at the charges against him.

At college, he was a member of the College Republicans....

nydn

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

MAMA, DON'T LET YOUR BABIES GROW UP TO BE PRIMATOLOGISTS.

"I won’t eat an animal I’m not prepared to kill myself. I haven’t eaten a mammal in about 30 years, except a couple of times during the 1990s, when I ate some raw monkey the chimps had killed and left behind."

here

WHO SAID IT #1

In 1972, when I was studying chimpanzee behaviors in Tanzania, I thought it would be interesting to see how well I could survive on what chimps ate. I asked Jane Goodall, the director of the project, if it I could live like a chimp for a bit. She said O.K. Now I wanted to be really natural and truly be a part of the bush and so I added, “I’d like to do it naked.” There, she put her foot down: “You’ll wear at least a loincloth!”

A. Robin Williams
B. Ellen DeGeneres
C. Henry Kissinger
D. Richard Wrangham

too easy

I GUESS THEY WILL HAVE TO LET HIM GO

BOSTON — The police here arrested a 22-year-old medical student on Monday and charged him with killing one woman and attacking another who had advertised massage services on Craigslist....

And on Tuesday morning, Mr. Markoff’s fiancee, Megan McAllister, told ABC’s Good Morning American that police had arrested the wrong man.

“Unfortunately, you were given wrong information as was the public,” she wrote, according to the network. “All I have to say to you is Philip is a beautiful person inside and out and could not hurt a fly!”

scandal sheet

Monday, April 20, 2009

DIY

A man who ran over and critically injured his ex-girlfriend with her own car last week in Upper Darby also attempted to set fire to her home last year by dousing it with paint thinner and cranking up the thermostat, Upper Darby Police Superintendent Michael Chitwood said.

Johnson allegedly bit the victim on her knuckle, beat her and poured paint thinner all over the house before cranking up the thermostat to 100 degrees, hoping to ignite the paint-thinner fumes, according to police.

arsons r us

IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD AS WE KNOW IT

From the Sunday Times

Tales of sexual encounters via Craigslist run the gamut from the erotic to the bizarre. Nola, a 42-year-old saleswoman who lives in Manhattan, posts elegantly written ads seeking a man who will meet her in a public place so she can go to the bathroom and remove her panties, which she will then hand to him in an envelope.

continuing.....

Nola, for instance, said in a telephone interview that she got an erotic thrill from giving men her used underwear, knowing they would serve as fetish objects. She started doing this last June after she thought, “I wear underpants every single day of my life, and somebody’s got to want these underpants.” The recipients, she said, pay her a small replacement fee.

Nola has acquired a stalker as a result of her actions, but still distributes her panties. She does not have sex with the men she meets online, meets them only in public places, and keeps a file of their names and photos, making sure a friend knows where to find it. She doesn’t limit herself to straight men. “I put ads up for lesbians looking for women’s undies, gay men looking for undies, rough-and-tumble guys,” she said. “This is just me sitting and being silly.”

all the news

1. Elegantly written ads? Roll over Jane Austen, tell Kate Chopin the news.

2. A telephone interview? Why didn't the reporter meet her in a public place?

3. A small replacement fee? Aargh! Why, she'a practically a philanthrophist.

4. And note the Nola is an equally opportunity advertiser. God forbid that lesbians and gay men she be deprived the opportunity to, um uh, do um....

Friday, April 17, 2009

LIGHT BLOGGING TODAY - MY MOM'S BEEN ARRESTED AGAIN

CALABASAS, Calif. — Authorities have arrested a camouflage-wearing, camera-toting woman they say was caught peeking into Britney Spears' windows.

The Los Angeles County Sheriff's Department arrested Miranda Tozier-Robbins on Thursday morning after security guards stopped her at Spears' suburban Calabasas home

here

Thursday, April 16, 2009

DOWNTURN HITS SELF-SATISIFED BLOWHARDS

ALSO, HE CAN SAVE UP FOR HIS LIVER TRANSPLANT THAT WAY

Bad economy or not, Marty Stogsdill still likes his scotch. But the 26-year-old computer consultant is more apt to enjoy it at his condo with friends than in a bar these days. Going out, he pays $10 to $18 for a glass of scotch. At home? He can buy a bottle for $35 to $50.

all the news

TMI

To mark territory, hippos spin their tails while defecating to distribute their excrement over the greatest possible area. Hippos also urinate backwards (are retromingent), likely for the same reason.

where else?

WORD OF THE DAY

fascist
One entry found.

Main Entry:
fas·cism Listen to the pronunciation of fascism
Pronunciation:
\ˈfa-ˌshi-zəm also ˈfa-ˌsi-\
Function:
noun
Etymology:
Italian fascismo, from fascio bundle, fasces, group, from Latin fascis bundle & fasces fasces
Date: 1921

1. often capitalized : a political philosophy, movement, or regime (as that of the Fascisti) that exalts nation and often race above the individual and that stands for a centralized autocratic government headed by a dictatorial leader, severe economic and social regimentation, and forcible suppression of opposition2: a tendency toward or actual exercise of strong autocratic or dictatorial control
— fas·cist Listen to the pronunciation of fascist \-shist also -sist\ noun or adjective often capitalized
— fas·cis·tic Listen to the pronunciation of fascistic \fa-ˈshis-tik also -ˈsis-\ adjective often capitalized
— fas·cis·ti·cal·ly Listen to the pronunciation of fascistically \-ti-k(ə-)lē\ adverb often capitalized

Merriam-Webster

ALTHOUGH THEY MAY THINK THEY'RE PRETTY SLY

I USED MY SECRET DECODER RING TO FIGURE OUT THAT:

When a bunch or raving idiots call the president a fascist, or a communist, or a socialist, or a......

What they're really saying is: "Look everybody!" He's a Negro!. He's a black fellow!"

FACTS ARE SUCH BOTHERSOME THINGS

THAT WAS THEN (A WHOLE WEEK AGO):

Guest hosting Bill Bennett's radio show, the always-good-for-a-laugh Michael Steele concurs with a caller who doubts we're in an economic crisis because "I look around and I don't see people spending any less money."

"I've heard a number of people say that, across the country," says Steele. Chuckling, he adds, "The malls are just as packed on Saturday."

tnr

THIS IS NOW:

General Growth Properties, one of the largest mall operators in the nation, filed for bankruptcy early Thursday morning in one of the biggest commercial real estate collapses in United States history.

Despite bargaining for months with its creditors, General Growth faced dwindling options for handling its more than $25 billion in debt, largely in the form of short-term mortgages that will come due by next year. The company has been severely wounded by the recession, which has wreaked havoc upon the retailers who inhabit its more than 200 malls in 44 states. Many stores have shuttered, depriving mall operators like General Growth of revenue.

nyt

Thursday, April 9, 2009

USELESS REVIEWS #2 A band

The Yum Yums

Norway's leading power pop band played a pleasing set of derivative power pop songs to an audience of 30+ at Bordentown's Record Collector on Saturday, April 4th.

Not only were the songs derivative, so was the band itself. The quitar player was blond Dee Dee Ramone, the keyboard player was tall Tina Weymouth. A guest vocalist was Iggy one moment, young Bob Seger the next.

I'm not sure if the lead singer was supposed to be Frank Black, or the guy from The Full Monty. It worked either way.

USELESS REVIEWS #1 - A book

Round Ireland with a Fridge
by Tony Hawks

A drunken Englishman makes a drunken bet that he can hitchhike around Ireland with a refrigerator in a month's time. He succeeds in this. He also drinks a lot more and manages to have sex (once).

That was last week (for me - for Hawks it was about ten years ago). This week I've followed the zany fellow to Moldova where he is attempting to track down the members of the Moldovan soccer team and challenge them to tennis matches.

Update(s) to follow.

JUMPING JESUS CHRIST

It's almost Easter.

PRIORITIES

Obama dog: Not this week

First lady Michelle Obama's press secretary, Katie McCormick Lelyveld, is now saying the first family's new dog is definitely not coming this week, CBS News is reporting. While the family apparently has already selected the dog and met him a few weeks ago, there's no clear indication when the dog will come to live in the White House. Obama said they would get the dog after the G20 summit.

GET THE DOG. GET THE DOG. GET THE GOD DAMNED DOG.

Then fix the economy.