Monday, June 11, 2007

ALL THE NEWS THAT'S FIT TO PRINT

--

And cocaine is not only popular in New York. “When I go to travel somewhere else, people think I do it and they’re so eager to shove it up my nose,” said Roxy Summers, a party promoter and D.J. who goes by the name Oxy Cottontail.

nyt

Sunday, June 10, 2007

NO POST

This post has been deleted at the request of the (unattributed)

Thursday, June 7, 2007

IF THAT HURTS, WAIT TILL HE HEARS WHAT THEY'RE SAYING ABOUT HIS MUSIC

--

Billy and Katie Lee Joel are hurt about rumors regarding the strength of their marriage, according to a close pal.

nydn

NOT ONLY A PERVERT, BUT A CHEAP ONE AT THAT

--

A former NYPD recruit told investigators he got pleasure out of paying underage girls on Staten Island to pierce their flesh with pins, law enforcement sources said yesterday.

Ranieri allegedly paid three girls - none of them older than 15 when the attacks began - to allow him to pierce their buttocks with pins and assault them with Bic pens, law enforcement sources said.

nydn

Tuesday, June 5, 2007

I JUST WHACK MINE WITH A STICK UNTIL IT GETS GOOD AND SWOLLED UP

--

To lengthen their penises, some men "use weights" and others "encourage poisonous snakes to bite their penises to enlarge them for six months," while others "pierce the glans of their penis and insert items into the holes to stimulate their partner."

arf

Wednesday, May 30, 2007

I'M A SKETCHERS MAN MYSELF

--

Police recover 1,500 pairs of stolen shoes

Waukesha - Police recovered more than 1,500 pairs of girls' shoes stolen from all three Waukesha public high schools and Butler Middle School after arresting a man accused of hoarding the footwear to satisfy a fetish.

"He liked to smell them," Graham said.

beer city news

Friday, May 25, 2007

THE HEIGHT OF PERVERSION

--

Professor Sherry Turkle said she came up with the concept after researching e-mail and discovering that some people harbor fantasies about escaping their e-mail burden.

Turkle, who estimated that she has 2,500 pieces of unread e-mail in her inbox, is one of those people

on and on

DICKWAD ISSUES FAIR WARNING

--

"From here on out I am going back to voice communication as my primary mechanism for interacting with people," wrote Jeff Nolan.

more of the same

BUT WHEN WILL HE DO US A REAL FAVOR AND TAKE A BREAK FROM RECORDING?

--

Last September, the recording artist Moby sent an e-mail to all the contacts in his inbox announcing that he was taking a break from e-mail for the rest of the year.

why is this in the paper?

Thursday, May 24, 2007

PRAISE THE LORD

--

The Kentucky Supreme Court overturned the sex abuse conviction against a former priest Thursday because his earlier sex crimes were wrongly used as evidence.

nyt

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

GOOD CITIZEN

--

"I want to make it clear I do not take part in dog fighting or condone dog fighting in any manner."

statement released by the Washington Redskins on behalf of Clinton Portis

WHAT SHE DO?

--

A former ...secretary (snipped) was sentenced Wednesday to 8 years in federal prison.

"This is the kind of offense that cannot be tolerated in our society," U.S. District Judge J. Owen Forrester said in imposing sentence.

A. treason
B. sedition
C. murder most foul
D. conspired to steal trade secrets from Coca Cola

mug

WHERE?

--

"Ten years ago, the only regulars here were a three-legged dog and a one-armed man playing pool," said Caroline, who did not want her last name used....

A. My brother's rumpus room
B. Rush Limbaugh's rumpus room
C. Rush Limbaugh's other rumpus room.
D. Joiner's Arms, a crowded bar in the East London neighborhood of Shoreditch

I'll be flying in for the weekend.

WHO SAID IT?

--

"I would be concerned about a lot of other things than whether or not a female shark can get a date for an evening."

A. Paul Wolfowitz
B. Dr. Phil
C. Joe Torre
D. Dr. Robert E. Heuter

killjoy

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

MEET THE FALWELLS

--

Charles W. - a vocal and decisive atheist who refused to go to church and ridiculed those who did.

Carey H. - he turned to bootlegging liquor, among other enterprises.... had no use for religion.

Big Jerry - he apologized for saying that the Antichrist was probably alive and if so would be in the form of a male Jew.

Gene - Jerry's twin.

Jerry Jr - who will succeed his father as Liberty University’s chancellor.

nyt

WHO SAID IT?

--

"If people want fireplaces, let them go live in the country,”

A. Smokey the Bear
B. My Oilman
C. Nicole Ritchie
D. Mitch Miller

follow the blazing cinder

Monday, May 14, 2007

DISTURBING? WHY THAT'S MY STANDARD SATURDAY NIGHT GET-UP

--

The most disturbing spectacle at the trial of Phil Spector isn’t the wizened and peculiar defendant slumped in the courtroom dressed in a 1970s-style leisure suit and blond pageboy wig....

nyt

Sunday, May 13, 2007

HOWEVER, HE WILL SLICE THE OWNER TO PIECES

--

Attorney: O.J. Won't Sue Kentucky Eatery

LOUISVILLE, Ky. -- O.J. Simpson won't take legal action against a Louisville restaurateur who booted from a steakhouse on the eve of the Kentucky Derby after all, Simpson's attorney said Saturday.

wapo

WHAT PLACE?

--

"I hope to get the word out to younger people that hey, it is OK, and here's a safe place to be, a very accepting place," Maguire said.

A. Iran
B. Margaritaville
C. South Philly
D. Solair Recreation League, a nudist camp in northeast Connecticut that recently invited students from dozens of New England schools to a college day in hopes of piquing their interest.

so, yo know

Friday, May 11, 2007

DIY

--

Man Beheads Mother With Saw, Kills Self

LA HABRA, Calif. A man cut off his mother's head with a circular saw and then died trying to decapitate himself, authorities said.

Police answered a 911 report of a family dispute at a home just after 5:30 a.m. Tuesday, entered a locked bedroom and found the body of 60-year-old Guadalupe Ruiz on a bed, La Habra police spokeswoman Cindy Knapp said.

Arthur Ruiz Jr., 32, was on another bed with the saw nearby. He had died of neck injuries, police said.

WHO SAID IT?

--

“Everyone has a macabre interest in what could occur if you don’t stay on the right side of the law."

A. Paul Wolfowitz
B. Barry Bonds
C. Dick Cheney
D. Nicholette Phelps

one track mind

Thursday, May 10, 2007

$15 BILLION A MONTH FOR IRAQ - NO PROBLEM

--

SMITHSONIAN BUILDINGS CRUMBLING, TOO BAD THERE'S NO MONEY TO FIX OUR NATIONAL MUSEUMS

Conditions at Arts and Industries have worried preservationists and Smithsonian officials for years. The roof had deteriorated to such a point that a canopy was installed beneath it to catch falling debris. Then, after a severe snowstorm in 2003 collapsed two other historic Washington structures, the Board of Regents decided the building had to be closed for safety reasons.

Richard Moe, president of the National Trust for Historic Preservation, said he was encouraged by the new preliminary moves.

"It is sitting on the Mall crumbling, and there may well be a private solution. I would be open to that," he said. But he warned that selecting a use should be a public process. "We and others would appreciate the opportunity to talk with them and create a transparent process."

The conditions of the landmark are emblematic of the crisis at the Smithsonian over its aging buildings and renovation needs. A study by the Government Accountability Office estimated the Smithsonian needed $2.5 billion to fix all its facilities.

priorities

THIRD TIME'S THE CHARM

--

Isabella Blow Suicide? Friends Of Style Guru Suggest So

Isabella Blow has died of cancer. Or has she? British magazine editor and style icon Isabella Blow was just 48 when she passed away in Gloucestershire Royal Hospital in Gloucester, England.

Friends of the London-born fashionista have actually hinted the magazine editor may have committed suicide.

Blow, died Monday after supposedly succumbing to a long battle with ovarian cancer.

But friends have suggested Blow - who has survived several suicide attempts in the past - may have poisoned herself.

Last year (06) she took a drug overdose and in 2005 she threw herself off a motorway bridge.


oh, well

Wednesday, May 9, 2007

WHO SAID IT?

--

What are you going to do after you retire?"

"Well, I plan to do a little more drinking,"

A. George Bush
B. Dick Cheney
C. Paul Wolfowitz
D. Uncle Junior
E. Bob Barker

I knew that

QUOTE OF THE DAY

--

"When we look at historical accuracy, we look at history as it plays in the service of a narrative."

Sam Martin, a vice president at HBO Films

por

Tuesday, May 8, 2007

WHO SAID IT?

--

"It's in his blood, this miserable fucking existence. My rotten fucking putrid genes have infected my kid's soul. That's my gift to my son."

A. George H.W. Bush
B. Bobby Bonds
C. Mr. Baldwin
D. Mr. Hasselhoff
E. Tony Soprano

Thursday, May 3, 2007

LEIGN ANNE ROWINSKI KNOWS YOUR SECRET THOUGHTS AND DESIRES

--

"People want to look healthy without getting sun damage, to have that same California, sun-kissed type of look like every celebrity on the red carpet," said Leigh Anne Rowinski, director of client solutions at Information Resources Inc.

gray lady

WHO WOULDA FIGURED

--

He's served as New Jersey's governor, outed himself as a "gay American," and now he wants to be Father James.

Raised a Catholic, Jim McGreevey has become an Episcopalian and will study at The General Theological Seminary in Chelsea, beginning this fall.

McGreevey first thought about entering the clergy when he was an altar boy at St. Joseph's Catholic Church in Carteret, N.J., the source said. "This is something [he's] always wanted to do as a kid," the source said.

nydn

Wednesday, May 2, 2007

WHATEVER HAPPENED TO.... SAINT EDMUND CAMPION?

--

A. Retired to the French Riviera
B. Opened a video store in Sparks, NV
C. Renounced his faith, ran off with a woman of ill repute
D. Hanged from a scaffold, disemboweled while still alive - his steaming entrails flung by the executioner into a pot...then beheaded and quartered

it's a hard knock life

HUEY NEWTON'S IN THE HOUSE

--

Some Vineland residents were keeping a close eye on their small children and pets yesterday, fearful that a panther might be roaming in the woods behind a small cul de sac.

A large black feline with a very long tail was spotted by several residents over the weekend in the rural Cumberland County town.

snip

The idea of a black panther in the area was so unheard of that when the department first received the report, officers thought someone was talking about the Black Panther Party, a political organization, said Lt. Steve Cleveland of the Vineland police.

news

Tuesday, May 1, 2007

ME, STILL

--

Dr. Brennan was oblivious to bird phalluses until 1999.

the paper of record

Monday, April 30, 2007

MOM MAKES LOGICAL LEAP

--

A Queens mother stands accused of the nearly unthinkable: pimping her daughters at 10 and 11 years old to feed a drug habit, the Daily News has learned.

The 34-year-old woman first pushed her older daughter, then 10, into prostitution in 2001, profiting from the sex sales until 2004, when relatives forced her to stop, according to prosecutors.

The younger sister was sent out at 11, selling herself for her mother from May to September 2004, prosecutors say.

[snipped] ... "They [were] out there [having sex] for nothing. So it's like [if they have sex] for money, I could get some," she said.

nydn

WHATEVER HAPPENED TO.... SAINT PIERRE CHANEL?

--

A. Perfume overdose
B. Tripped over a handbag and broke his neck
C. Died in his sleep at age 98
D. Clubbed to death by Musumusu

I was going to say that!

WHO SAID IT - AND ABOUT WHAT?

--

"It's one of the most miserable experiences a man will ever have and that's how I think we feel now."

A. Abelard, on being castrated
B. Hitler, on losing World War II
C. That guy who ate at McDonalds for a month, on eating at McDonalds for a month.
D. Pat Riley, on losing a basketball game.

uh huh

WHO SAID IT?

--

"I still wear his pajamas to bed. How am I ever going to go form another relationship in my lifetime wearing Kurt's pajamas?"

A. Mrs. Rambis
B. Mrs Waldheim
C. Jill Krementz
D. Miss Love

shocker

Friday, April 27, 2007

AUSTRIAN PRAYER

--

"O holy Saint Florian, spare my house, kindle others".

sentimental folk, aren't they

WHO SAID IT?

--

"I think they should take everyone who works for The National Enquirer and the Star, and everyone who works for Us Weekly, and put them all to work looking for terrorists. I think they would find the terrorists. All of them. It would be genius!"

A. Condoleeza Rice
B. Rudy Giuliani
C. Britney Spears
D. Brittany Murphy

she's really on the ball!

Thursday, April 26, 2007

AND HITLER HAS APOLOGIZED FOR PRAISING ROXY MUSIC'S MANIFESTO - "IT REALLY WAS AN INFERIOR EFFORT," HE ACKNOWEDGES

--

Singer Bryan Ferry apologizes for Nazi remarks

LONDON (Reuters) - British singer Bryan Ferry has apologized for remarks he made in an interview with a German newspaper in which he praised Nazi iconography as "just amazing" and "really beautiful."

here

COULD THEY DO BETTER AT THE ONION?

--

Elsewhere in Iraq, the American military continued its battle against violence, with mixed results. North of Baghdad, two Iraqi women and two children were believed to have been killed in an American air strike that killed four insurgents, according to a military statement.

nyt

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO:

--

Frederick Law Olmsted [whose] 'Journey in the Seabound Slave States' describes the religious life of the common people of the southern back country in the 1850s. Olmsted provided a length account of a "Cracker" church in Georgia and recounted the sermons of the preacher, who attacked socialism, atheism and who constantly cried aloud to his audience.

link

NEW YORK NUTS - THE FIRST IN A SERIES

--

Physical proximity amplifies and distorts the behavior of others, and can make even innocuous activities seem offensive. One design professional living in the Christadora, an East Village apartment building, fantasized about banning cooking in his building, because he can’t bear the smell of other people’s food in the hall.

nyt

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

RAZZ MY RAZZ

--

Experts Say Gas Prices Won't Get Any Higher

here

Gas could hit $4 per gallon this summer, experts say

or here

A SAINT WALKS AMONG US

THERE WAS A MISS AMERICA NAMED LAUREN
WHO THE PREDATORS WERE ALL ADORIN'
SO THEY WENT TO HER HOUSE
BUT AS A CAT WITH A MOUSE
FOUND IT WAS THEIR OWN OX GOT GORIN'

Miss America Helps Cops in Sex Sting

OKLAHOMA CITY -- Miss America can add crime fighter to her resume. Lauren Nelson recently went undercover with police in New York for a sting targeting sexual predators. Officers with Suffolk County's computer crimes unit created an online profile of a 14-year-old girl that included photographs of Nelson as a teenager.

"I got to chat online with the predators and made phone calls, too,"Nelson said by phone from Atlantic City, N.J

link

AS A MATTER OF FACT, IT'S EXACTLY THE SAME, EXCEPT FOR THE DETAILS

--

A planet that may be a lot like Earth

WASHINGTON - In a significant advance in the search for extraterrestrial life, European astronomers have discovered what they say may be the first habitable planet orbiting a nearby star.

They described their find as an Earthlike, probably rocky planet small enough and warm enough that it might have water in liquid form on the surface, a necessary condition for life as we know it.

TODAY'S WHO GIVES A

--

Rosie O’Donnell to Leave ‘The View’ in June

NEW YORK (AP) -- Rosie O'Donnell's stormy tenure on ''The View'' will be a short one. ABC said Wednesday it was unable to agree on a contract with the opinionated host, and she'll leave the show in June.

aabba

AND IF YOU BELIEVE THAT, HE'S GOT A WORLD TRADE CENTER TO SELL YOU

--

MANCHESTER, N.H. —- Rudy Giuliani said if a Democrat is elected president in 2008, America will be at risk for another terrorist attack on the scale of Sept. 11, 2001.

But if a Republican is elected, he said, especially if it is him, terrorist attacks can be anticipated and stopped.

HE WASN'T TALKING TO ME, I'M A THOUGHTFUL PIG

--

"You are a rude thoughtless little pig."

Alec Baldwin, movie star, celebrity, dad.

GET SIRIUS

--

WFAN listeners are into the second week of double doses of Mike Fancesca and Chris Russo as the sports yakkers fill in the vacant Nappy Imus morning spot and continue with their drive time emissions as well.