Monday, June 11, 2007

ALL THE NEWS THAT'S FIT TO PRINT

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And cocaine is not only popular in New York. “When I go to travel somewhere else, people think I do it and they’re so eager to shove it up my nose,” said Roxy Summers, a party promoter and D.J. who goes by the name Oxy Cottontail.

nyt

Sunday, June 10, 2007

NO POST

This post has been deleted at the request of the (unattributed)

Thursday, June 7, 2007

IF THAT HURTS, WAIT TILL HE HEARS WHAT THEY'RE SAYING ABOUT HIS MUSIC

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Billy and Katie Lee Joel are hurt about rumors regarding the strength of their marriage, according to a close pal.

nydn

NOT ONLY A PERVERT, BUT A CHEAP ONE AT THAT

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A former NYPD recruit told investigators he got pleasure out of paying underage girls on Staten Island to pierce their flesh with pins, law enforcement sources said yesterday.

Ranieri allegedly paid three girls - none of them older than 15 when the attacks began - to allow him to pierce their buttocks with pins and assault them with Bic pens, law enforcement sources said.

nydn

Tuesday, June 5, 2007

I JUST WHACK MINE WITH A STICK UNTIL IT GETS GOOD AND SWOLLED UP

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To lengthen their penises, some men "use weights" and others "encourage poisonous snakes to bite their penises to enlarge them for six months," while others "pierce the glans of their penis and insert items into the holes to stimulate their partner."

arf

Wednesday, May 30, 2007

I'M A SKETCHERS MAN MYSELF

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Police recover 1,500 pairs of stolen shoes

Waukesha - Police recovered more than 1,500 pairs of girls' shoes stolen from all three Waukesha public high schools and Butler Middle School after arresting a man accused of hoarding the footwear to satisfy a fetish.

"He liked to smell them," Graham said.

beer city news

Friday, May 25, 2007

THE HEIGHT OF PERVERSION

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Professor Sherry Turkle said she came up with the concept after researching e-mail and discovering that some people harbor fantasies about escaping their e-mail burden.

Turkle, who estimated that she has 2,500 pieces of unread e-mail in her inbox, is one of those people

on and on

DICKWAD ISSUES FAIR WARNING

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"From here on out I am going back to voice communication as my primary mechanism for interacting with people," wrote Jeff Nolan.

more of the same

BUT WHEN WILL HE DO US A REAL FAVOR AND TAKE A BREAK FROM RECORDING?

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Last September, the recording artist Moby sent an e-mail to all the contacts in his inbox announcing that he was taking a break from e-mail for the rest of the year.

why is this in the paper?

Thursday, May 24, 2007

PRAISE THE LORD

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The Kentucky Supreme Court overturned the sex abuse conviction against a former priest Thursday because his earlier sex crimes were wrongly used as evidence.

nyt

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

GOOD CITIZEN

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"I want to make it clear I do not take part in dog fighting or condone dog fighting in any manner."

statement released by the Washington Redskins on behalf of Clinton Portis

WHAT SHE DO?

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A former ...secretary (snipped) was sentenced Wednesday to 8 years in federal prison.

"This is the kind of offense that cannot be tolerated in our society," U.S. District Judge J. Owen Forrester said in imposing sentence.

A. treason
B. sedition
C. murder most foul
D. conspired to steal trade secrets from Coca Cola

mug

WHERE?

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"Ten years ago, the only regulars here were a three-legged dog and a one-armed man playing pool," said Caroline, who did not want her last name used....

A. My brother's rumpus room
B. Rush Limbaugh's rumpus room
C. Rush Limbaugh's other rumpus room.
D. Joiner's Arms, a crowded bar in the East London neighborhood of Shoreditch

I'll be flying in for the weekend.

WHO SAID IT?

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"I would be concerned about a lot of other things than whether or not a female shark can get a date for an evening."

A. Paul Wolfowitz
B. Dr. Phil
C. Joe Torre
D. Dr. Robert E. Heuter

killjoy

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

MEET THE FALWELLS

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Charles W. - a vocal and decisive atheist who refused to go to church and ridiculed those who did.

Carey H. - he turned to bootlegging liquor, among other enterprises.... had no use for religion.

Big Jerry - he apologized for saying that the Antichrist was probably alive and if so would be in the form of a male Jew.

Gene - Jerry's twin.

Jerry Jr - who will succeed his father as Liberty University’s chancellor.

nyt